CROW (Counselling Resources on the Web)
Leaving home
Going to a new city to study provides many opportunities to learn new things, to see new places and meet different people from a variety of backgrounds and cultures. It is an exciting time with new freedoms and responsibilities. For many students it is also the first time they have left home and this can lead to concerns about coping and feelings of home sickness.
Motivation issues
One of the differences between High School and University is that there is no-one pushing you to work hard and achieve to your full potential as there is at some High Schools. You may be used to having parents that encourage, push, support, reward, and help motivate you. They may frequently chat and take an interest in your work. It can be quite a shock to not have this any more. Add to this the party culture, drugs, alcohol, and sexual experimentation that can occur on Campus and it is hardly surprising that some students, even with good school records, struggle in their first year at university.
Being clear about your reasons for being at University, what your academic goals are, and why you have them, is a good starting point for getting yourself motivated. Put them on a poster on the wall and read them often, as an antidote for those mid-term blues. Self-motivation, organisation and goal setting are skills which can be learned and developed. Student Services run regular workshops through the Student Learning Centre and Student Counselling and they have information to help you. Sometimes there are unresolved issues from the past that may cause you to feel confused or lethargic. These issues can lie dormant for years and when you are faced with a new stressful situation, like leaving home, they can come up again.
Personal freedoms and responsibilities
Your new living environment, hostel or flat is likely to be very different from your family home. Your world may be dominated by other students, intent on having as much fun as possible. Experimental behaviour with relationships, sexuality and possibly alcohol and drugs, has associated risks. These risks need to be balanced with an objective recognition of your personal limits, and a commitment to keeping yourself safe and on track for your academic goals.
You may be accumulating a student loan or receiving an allowance which is dependent upon passing papers each Semester for its continuation. This can lead to a buildup of stress if you feel you are falling behind in your studies.
Financial management and budgeting are now entirely your responsibility. Careful balancing of income and expenditure on a written budget sheet helps to avoid a financial blowout. You may have to increase or start part-time work in order to survive. This brings increased time pressure to your academic workload.
When things get difficult it may not be possible to get the level of support from your family you were able to when living at home. Developing a network of friends whom you can talk to openly about your feelings can really help. If you are part of a mentor programme, then get to know your mentor and use them, they are there to help you.
How do I cope when I’m homesick?
While you may physically leave home, psychologically it may take some time to separate and create your own identity. It is natural to have feelings of sadness and miss your family, and want to visit them, especially during times of stress, sickness or crisis. It can be hard to stay on and complete a study programme when there are problems at home, and difficult decisions to be made. Be clear about the limits of responsibility to your family and remember a phone call can be just as supportive as actually going home.
It can help to identify your feelings towards your family. You can decide on what level of relationship and autonomy you want. Recognise it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Value and use the support available to you, there may be people who care about you and have a lot of life experience to offer you. The telephone, email or letters are a convenient way of keeping in touch and letting your family know what is happening. You may change as a person while you’re away from home, perhaps developing new ideas or changing your appearance, or you may form new relationships. It is important to be aware that your family may not have considered this and could find it difficult seeing these changes.
Sometimes other relatives may be geographically closer than your immediate family, and it may be useful to develop supportive adult relationships with them.
Care for and keep yourself safe. Develop new support systems and friends and work on the type of new relationship you want and them and with your family. By doing so you will be in a strong position to make your experience of leaving home and coming to University an exciting and positive time.
Where to from here?
Places that can help with the issues of leaving home include Student Counselling, Student Health, MUSA, or the International Students’ Office and MUSA Maori Student Officers for culturally specific needs. .
If you would like to make an appointment to see a counsellor to learn more about this topic please contact the counselling service on your campus. Distance students can contact any one of the campuses.
Please tell the receptionist if you need an urgent appointment.
Manawatu: Student Counselling Service, Turitea Campus, Monday to Friday 8.30 am - 5.00 pm (8.30 - 4.30 during semester breaks). Telephone (06) 350-5533.
