Fathers and Role Models

A web page describing the origins of Father's Day states:

Over the years, Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father's Day. So, even if you are not a Dad, if you make some special contribution to someone's life, don't be surprised if they wish you a Happy Father's Day.

You may be surprised by this claim. I was. One explanation might be found in the last sentence of a PhD abstract:

...subtle strategies, rather than outright confrontation, proved to be more effective in catalysing change in women's lives.

[from: Scheyvens R A (1995) A Quiet Revolution: Strategies for the Empowerment and development of Rural Women in the Solomon Islands, Massey University]

Is there a "subtle strategy" to redefine fatherhood in such a way that fathers themselves are considered less important, easily replaced by others? If so, there are significant implications for custody and access decisions, and views on the importance of stable two-parent families, not to mention the position of men in society at large.

The New Zealand census definition of parent, while restricted to persons living in the designated household with a child (people are considered to live in one household only) has been broadened to include "persons in a parenting role". As mothers who do not live with the fathers of their children generally have sole custody (i.e. the children are with them for at least 60% of nights), it is their current live-in partner, not the actual father, who would be considered the other parent. For more on this, see here, or here.

A web search for "male role models" showed that the term is now widely used. There is also much discussion of "fatherlessness", the large proportion of children who are not living full-time in the same household as their father, and the high proportion of these children who have limited or no contact with their father. Instead of calls for greater support for father-child relationships, we hear that children need "male role models". That is the context for most of the web pages on the subject. In other words, male role models are presented as a substitute for (replacing) fathers.

If society had a gender-balanced view, then we would not only be saying that we need more men in schools as male role models to compensate for a lack of input by fathers. We would, to be consistent, also be saying that there are many female role models in schools, so mothers are not so important.

We do not hear that, although a web search for "female role models" produced about as many results as the one for male role models. There is a difference, however. Female role models are presented as a complement to (supplementing) mothers. They focus on women achieving in "male" roles, such as in politics, science, or law.

Perhaps even more telling, while a female politician/scientist/judge would be represented as a role model for women to follow, there is no similar claim for men with respect to male politicians/scientists/judges.

Are these subtle strategies? Are we saying that men in general and fathers in particular are not to be valued? Are we defining families and society around and for women?

Stuart Birks

28 August 2002

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