Opinion: A life well lived

Much of the nation mourned the loss of clinical psychologist, author and TV personality Nigel Latta last week, after he passed away from stomach cancer, aged just 58. He had been diagnosed in September 2024, and in keeping with his values, personality and approach to life, he had been open and honest about the road ahead, sharing updates of his cancer journey with the public. Due to his presence on our screens over the past two decades, and his many presentations to parents across the motu, it’s not surprising so many New Zealanders felt a personal sense of loss at his passing, collectively flocking to social media to share anecdotes about the impact he had had on their lives.

Nigel was one of the first psychologists to meet with and talk to large audiences. He was also one of the first to become a presence in the media, producing documentaries and television programmes. His talks about parenting were legendary for being realistic about the challenges and joys, at a time when a lot of resources and information placed unrealistically high expectations on parents. He was down to earth, humorous and approachable, and to many, he felt like he was one of them, rather than another expert telling people how they should behave or feel.

It is truly a skill to take complex psychological theories and research and translate this into information that feels like commonsense - things that people can actually relate to and apply to their lives. Nigel had that ability, enhanced by a delivery style that was often irreverent; he took the topic seriously, but never himself. He was curious about what was happening in the world, showed a commitment to understanding people’s lived realities and problems, and actively sought ways to be part of the solution.

When he discovered he had cancer, he took that same approach to one of the most difficult challenges someone can face. I have worked with cancer patients for 20 years including many people in palliative care who are facing their own mortality, reflecting on the lives they have lived and considering how they want to spend their final stages. What I have repeatedly observed is people questioning whether their life has had meaning and purpose, whether they have lived a life in line with their values, examining the connections and relationships they have made, and how they will be remembered.

While I saw Nigel speak at a parenting night, I never met him personally. But from everything I have heard and observed over the years, Nigel lived a life with deep meaning and purpose, in line with his values and with a goal to be of service. It is also clear to me that he made strong connections with people, across many domains, and that from his wife and family to his peers and the wider community, he built relationships founded on respect, care and affection.

He will be remembered by many - and for a long time to come - as someone who in his final days was still considering how he could use his experience to support and care for those closest to him, and others who might be facing their own terminal diagnosis. The selflessness in writing his final book is testament to his character and strength in looking outwards while contemplating inwards and moving through his own personal cancer journey.

In times of loss in my own life, I have often thought of the poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson – What is success?

To laugh often and love much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the approval of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give of one's self;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived . . .
This is to have succeeded.

Nigel Latta - you lived a life well lived and you have succeeded. I hope this brings comfort to those who love you, as they begin to mourn your loss, adjust to your passing, and reflect on the gifts you have given them.

Professor Kirsty Ross is a Senior Clinical Psychologist and Acting Head of the School of Psychology at Te Kunenga ki Pūrehuroa Massey University.